Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Meet Miss Kitty Fantastico Aleria



The Husbinator and I recently rescued a stray kitten. And by rescued, I mean got duped into bringing home a demon parading as an innocent, homeless kitten.

It went something like this:

Me: Ohhh, look, a kitten!
Him: We are not getting a kitten.
Me: But, baby! It likes me!
Mom: It does. It hasn't let anyone pick it up but her since it started coming around here.
Me: See? She does like me!
Him: So do stray kids. We don't take them home with us.
Mom: She would if you'd let her.
Me: She needs a home.
Him: She'll find one.
Me: But...but...
Him: No.

We then took the kitten inside my sister's house so I could use the kids, who The Husbinator can't say no to, to coerce him into letting me keep the cat show the kitten to the kids.

My nephew, Losh, never touches animals. And by never I mean hell will freeze over before this kid ever willingly owns a pet. He'll look at animals all day long, but forget getting him near anything that breathes and isn't human. So I wasn't particularly hopeful that he'd be useful in my ploy, but Losh surprised everyone.

That conversation went a little like this:

Me: Losh, want to pet her?
Mom: You know he won't pet your kitten.
The Husbinator: It's not her kitten!
Me: Hush, she is my kitten and look, he's thinking about it. Do you want to pet her, Losh? I promise she won't bite.
Mom: He'll never forgive you if she bites.
The Husbinator: She's lying, Losh. She's an attack cat.
Me: She is not! Pet her, baby, it's okay.
The Husbinator: He's not going to...
Mom: Yep, you're getting a cat.
The Husbinator: F##$%, we're getting a cat.

And so I gloated all the way home.

We've had her a little over a month now and the taste of victory has begun to get a little stale. And by that I mean... I'll never admit it to The Husbinator, but he might not have been completely unjustified in his hesitance to get a kitten. I've had cats before so was well aware of what stubborn pains they could be. But Aleria has taken it to entirely new lengths.

For instance... She refuses to eat out of her bowl unless it's completely full. If she feels The Husbinator is getting more attention than she is, she bites me incessantly. If schoolwork interferes with me petting her, she'll sit on the desk and randomly throw things at me. And by that, I mean she'll slap everything on the desk off at me, making sure she hits me with every little kitten-sized missile in the general vicinity. We have to block the kitchen doors because she's learned to open them... and takes pride in pushing everything off the counter into the floor every time she successfully gets the doors oepn.

Now, most cats run for cover when water enters the picture. Not my cat. She hops into the bathtub like it's nothing, and looks at us like we're complete morons when we splash at her. Needless to say, our options are severely limited when it comes to not being driven to drink by the cat cat obedience training.

The poor dogs have been thoroughly traumatized. Now, I have to be upfront here and tell you that my dogs (Boo and Razi) aren't necessarily the brightest of animals. In fact... I'm pretty sure they're both mentally challenged, and I'm also pretty sure that's probably my fault.

They're as scared of bugs as I am of spiders and are pretty much as paranoid as I am about everything. So you can just imagine the trauma this little kitten has put them through in the last month. She'll rub up against them all day long, but as soon as one of them dares look at her, she slaps and hisses. As soon as that paw comes up, the dogs run for cover. It's been like this since we brought Aleria home.

It's rather sad.

Surprisingly enough though, The Husbinator has yet to say "I told you so." He'll never admit it, but I think he kind of loves our little demon cat. And I have to admit, being wrong isn't so bad. There's nothing cuter than a 6'8" hulk of a man cuddling and catering to a 4 pound kitten, except maybe watching a 6'8" hulk of a man play peek-a-boo with a 4 pound kitten...

So I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that Aleria, demon though she be, is our proud new owner for the long haul.

Which begs the question...where can I sign the dogs up for therapy?!

Cheers,
A.K.M.

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